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Thursday, 25 September 2008

..choosing a drink..

so, one of the datingish writers submitted a blog about being asked out for coffee or a drink for a first date/meeting between two people interested in each other. the overwhelming majority of the responses were to choose the coffee. i disagreed and said it was strictly preference. however, that is not my issue. there were many people that rationalized choosing coffee because of the negative implications behind getting a drink. WHAT?!
let me see if i understand this correctly. getting a drink took on all of the following meanings and implications: guy asks girl to meet for a drink because he's looking to score immediately. guy asks girl to meet for a drink because he hopes the girl is easy. girl accepts drink invite because she's looking for a one night stand, too. wow. never knew this until reading these comments. coffee shop means intellectual conversation. bar means rowdy, drunken conversations that result in sexual escapades. coffee shop equals sophistication and maturity. bar can only mean one thing: sleezy & immature. gotcha.
but why? why does getting an alcoholic beverage become associated with wreckless behavior? i'm sorry, i guess that's my problem with some of these questions. the background information is left out and people assume the worst. why couldn't the situation people pictured have been two professionals meeting after work for a happy hour drink? [they're cheaper during this time, too!] i'm from a city that's known for it's nightlife and restaurants. there are TONS of nice bars and restaurants around Atlanta. so, if two professionals meet up for a drink, chances are they aren't going to your sleezy, hole in the wall, tasteless bar. i've been asked out for a drink plenty of times. and not once has it ended badly, in things i regret because my judgement was impaired. not everyone is an alcohol consuming drunk. some people actually drink responsibly. and know their limits. casual drinkers DO exist. and they're actually fun to be around! you only get drunk when you want to, it usually doesn't sneak up on you. if you order 5 shots of vodka, yes, you can expect to get drunk. if you order a martini and take it straight to the head, please expect your judgment to be impaired. however, if you order a single cosmo and drink it responsibly, you can expect to still have full control of yourself at the end of the night.
it just bothered me that so many assumed the worst in this situation. and passed judgement on those that would accept a drink over coffee. quite frankly, i'd accept either with the same grain of salt. it's strictly preference. one doesn't make me less of a mature, responsible adult. but i guess those that weren't open to meeting someone for a drink can be assumed to be stuffy and boring, sticking only to their comfort zones because they're afraid of they're own behavior. or willingness to step out of their comfort zone. i applaud anyone that has the guts and bravery to ask a woman out for a drink. and i applaud the woman that accepts without being afraid of what someone will think of her because she had a drink instead of getting coffee with a guy she wanted to get to know . impaired judgement comes from the wreckless behavior of the young and immature people. a meeting in a nice, sophisticated restaurant or bar CAN and DOES produce the same results as meeting someone in a coffee shop. lighten up.

Wednesday, 17 September 2008

..conversation..

so, i was listening to the radio during my lunch break yesterday. interesting topic. one that’s all too familiar in our society: when is texting appropriate. hmm, we’re all guilty of texting as much as we can, whenever it’s convenient, or just whenever. it’s become our choice of communication. cellphone minutes will soon be obsolete. ok, back to topic. a guy called in and told of a scenario dealing with texting. he was with a girl. she was pleasing him, while on her knees. [let's be nice about it, loL] however, he was texting his baby’s mama. ….. wait, did you read that correctly? yes. texting his baby’s mama while some girl was giving him the business. mind you, she knew he was texting and continued to do what she was doing. but, was he wrong?
he thinks no. the radio host called the girl at work to ask her opinion. she thought he was wrong for texting then, but was more upset at the fact that he was telling their story on the radio. hmph. he says that he was texting because the mom was having an “emergency.” this brings me to so many different issues going on here!
first, does he not respect her? and does she not feel she deserves respect? if she demanded his respect, his phone would not have been glued to his side while they were being intimate. and if he respected her, his attention would not be easily deferred to someone else, especially via text. second, once she saw that he was texting, repeatedly, why didn’t she stop him? or stop herself? that’s self explanatory. third, what kind of “emergency” was this that could be construed via text? i’m not sure, but it seems the term was used loosely. if the baby needed diapers, it could’ve waited. he obviously wasn’t going to get this young lady off her knees to run to the store for some diapers. if the mom had time to text this particular emergency, it wasn’t as important as he made it seem. she would’ve picked up the phone if it were life or death, right?
it just seems like so much was wrong with this situation. and it disgusts me in so many ways. not only supporting his side, but also understanding his side. he claims she knew she wasn’t his main girl, so she had no reason to be upset. ha. any woman that is willing to be that intimate better demand respect. she should demand that he treat her like more than just some girl. and if he refuses, she should get off her knees and respect herself, knowing she is better than that. idk, just a weird situation.
texting. a gift and a curse. has anyone written an etiquette book about it yet? anyone up for the challenge?

Thursday, 07 August 2008

..reality love..

americans and reality tv. we will watch just about anything that catches our very short attention spans for longer than 5 minutes. and we will believe just about anything someone tells us. a few nights ago was the season finale of the bachelorette. don’t know which season number and not sure it’s relevant at this point. america loves to watch the heartache. it’s amazing to feel as though we can relate to someone, put ourselves in their shoes, even if for a fraction of second.
i have a problem with shows such as these. falling in love within a matter of days. seriously in love. maybe this is just far fetched in my world, but how can you honestly and sincerely be prepared to spend the rest of your life with someone after sharing them with 11 or so other people for a few weeks, eliminating one at a time?
we get so engulfed in the fairy tale romance that we forget, at the end of the day, someone is going to undeniably get their heart broken into a million pieces. however, they knowingly go into this process, not having much chance of their fairy tale coming true. and even if it does come true, what are the odds that it’ll be everlasting? of the 173 [sarcastic exaggeration] seasons of the bachelor/bachelorette, how many couples are still happily married? the only success story i can think of is trista and ryan.
the last season mimicked one of a previous where the chosen bachelorette was a rejection from the season before. hmmm. problem #1 i have with this scenario. this woman has been in the place of these men before. she has gone through the process of hoping and praying for a rose at each ceremony. she has had the chance of falling in love with someone who didn’t possibly feel the same way. and at the end of her show, she did make it to be one of the final two. but the bachelor picked neither women. interesting. so, she has undoubtedly had her heart broken. she was convinced that she loved him and that he would choose her. not quite, dollface.
so, in knowing what she now knows, and having to learn that at the expense of her heart, she chooses to put someone else in the same situation. but at the end of her season, she tells one of the guys, “i never wanted to make you feel what i felt” ARE YOU SERIOUS? the entire premise of the show is to ultimately pick one person over the other. so, how dare you say you didn’t want him to feel the way you felt. did you expect for him not to fall for you? were you anticipating not leading them to believe you were, in fact, falling in love with more than one person?
hmm, i guess i’m so passionate about the scenario because i’ve been told by someone that they wanted to “experience” other people for the simple fact of seeing what other people are like. ok, we’re young and entitled to that. but what about when one person has feelings, yet is put into an unfair competition with someone else? so much to think about. so much to consider. love is never fair. and it takes so much for it to be real.

Wednesday, 09 July 2008

..what about me?..

i’ve had a few conversations with various women the last few days. and i’ve learned i’m not the only one that wonders, what about me? i know everything happens for a reason. i understand that everyone has their story written and they’re just living it out. but have you ever felt someone didn’t “deserve” their happiness? as if you had done more or better things and you should be in their position?
i know this is quite a self-absorbed mentality. what makes you better than the next person when it comes to who deserves to be happy? hmm, not sure if that can be determined, considering our current circumstances on earth. but, being on that side, i can sort of explain why someone, especially a woman, would feel that way.
there are women that are in relationships and get everything they could ever ask for. it’s almost like a real life movie type romance, almost too good to be true. the relationships seems so genuine from afar, but once you know the up-close details, things are just not what they seem. Every woman deserves be treated like a queen. but what happens when she’s manipulating or coniving to get what she wants? the poor guy has no idea what he’s up against. and you’re stuck, thinking to yourself, he deserves better, so why couldn’t i be her? or, how about the guy that’s the complete and utter epitome of a dusche bag, but still manages to “fix” his mistakes by being a night in shining armor when he knows he’s f*cked up.
it’s quite frustrating trying to understand why relationships play out the way they do. why some people are always ready, always sure. and some, just can’t force themselves there. love is a tricky thing. it has a mind of it’s own. sometimes, we think we’re capable of love. we envision ourselves doing everything the right way. but, it’s not quite our time. such a harsh reality to accept when all you want is love. all you want is to be the first thought on someone’s mind in the morning and their last wish to meet you in their dreams for an unforgettable memory. love is all that encompasses your thoughts. but..you reach out for it and it’s constantly running, never seeming to be within your grasp.
so, all you can say is … what about me?

Tuesday, 17 June 2008

..and she told me..

love.
the road everyone wants to travel. the road that looks like an enjoyable experience from a distance. until you actually embark on the journey and realize all of the unexpected twists and turns. if you aren’t mentally and emotinally prepared for this journey, it can break you. exhaust you. and devastate you.
hmm, so why would anyone choose this path in life? i have the earthliest idea. knowing what i know now about relationships, and falling in love, it’s all about taking a risk. a selfless and certain decision. it’s not for the faint of heart. it takes so much time. consideration. sacrifice. communication. trust. honesty. loyalty. affection. dedication. oh my list could go on for days. most importantly, it requires work. but it should never feel like work.
after a recent change in a situation that was growing dear to my heart, i have done a lot of thinking about relationships, and everything buidling a successful one entails. fear. it keeps many of us from doing what could be very good for us. it takes an incredible amount of trust to even allow ourselves the opportunity. but how do you know when someone deserves a genuine chance?
is it after you realize that your eyes sparkle at the mention of their name? or the way you speak about them and how they make you feel? could it be that when you share stories of the two of you, your heart flutters from the butterflies in your stomach? there are so many signs, but how do you know which ones point down the aforementioned road that changes everything?
i was speaking to a girl friend about the new circumstance. and after i said i didn’t know the answer to why i feel the way i do, she simply told me what i could be ignoring or supressing for multiple reasons. but at the end of the day, i don’t know if she was right. maybe she was. but i wonder, how could she know … before …. me … which road i was on?